Last night as I watched the Academy Awards, I started to think...what if pro athletes were presented with their own version of the Oscars? Who would walk away with the biggest awards of the season? "And the Golden Balls Go To..."
Best Costume Design...
Now this is perhaps one of the toughest categories. Let me start by saying that Dennis Rodman set a precedence with his colorful artwork. You stepped things up for generations to come. In fact, I have been tempted to get my own tattoo over the years. I'm more a butterfly type of person, but unfortunately I hate needles. With that said, I have to give this one to Kenyon Martin due to his creative "cover up" of Trina's lips on his necks. What sweeter way to say "I loved you...once. Now bounce."
Runner Up: Birdman
Best Supporting Actor (Comedy)...
From this woman's perspective, the NBA is made up of a lot of clowns and no team illustrated this better than the Miami Heat in the off-season. I have so many characters to choose from here, but I would like to present this award to none other that Chris Bosh. Perhaps the most overrated player in the NBA, Bosh carries himself as though he should be the MVP this season. That attitude alone garners him this award.
Runner Up: Shaq. Because that dude is seriously funny
Best Supporting Actor (Drama)...
Look, I grew up watching soap operas, but this season in the NBA tops any episode of "Y&R," "General Hospital" or "Days of our Lives" I ever watched...even when the sad music was playing in the background because the Bo & Hope were getting divorced for the 6th time in 5 years. There just may be too many guys to chose from in this pool. However I must select one. Okay. I got it! Congratulations Rip Hamilton. 'Nuff said.
Runner Up: Gilbert Arenas. Come on now. Man up to your responsibilities.
I can feel the growing tension as I get to the final awards of the night. Hold your applause please until I get through them all.
Best Director...
Mark Cuban - come on down! As is the case with most men I have met, I cannot figure you out. However the one thing I can always count on is your ability to use public relations to manipulate any situation and create drama as a result. You don't even need to take two or three for that matter. You get it right the first time like clockwork.
Runner Up: Phillip. Namaste.
Okay. Best Actor, Comedy:
The winner of this prestigious award is none other than Lebron James for managing to make this league a joke all by himself (standing ovation in fact). Are you kidding me with "The Announcement?" What were you thinking?! "King James," it would do you good to learn a little bit about humility and gratitude. Because anytime I see you play, I reach for the Pepto Bismol.
Best Actor, Drama:
Warning: Now this one hurts a bit. However I have been watching this unfold all season. Who's jersey will this winner be wearing in December. January. February. Drum Roll please....Carmelo "I'm a Knick" Anthony. Oh Melo, it really did not need to go down like this. We loved you in Denver. But "As the Melo Turns" exhausted Nuggets Nation. It even messed up my social life for a bit (grrrr), but don't worry...I managed to really mess it up all by myself. It's really sad when your performance on/off the court comes to the point that all anyone is actually rooting for is for it to be over. Perhaps you will remember all we did for YOU my man and include us in your "Thank You" speech.
Runner Up: Lala. Do I really need to explain? Good luck with your reality show La!
And this concludes this year's "And the Golden Balls Go To..." Thank you. And please do not drink & drive.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Dear Denver Nuggets,
Let me cut to the chase and just say you are a "Hot Mess." Really. I didn't know "soap operas" actually played out in "real life" until I encountered this year's team.
My parents were ticket holders when you were the "Denver Rockets" (precedes my time) and continued when the "Nuggets" entered the NBA. Some of my fondest memories are those spent with my dad at McNichols Sports Arena watching the likes of David Thompson, Monty Towe, Dan Issel, Alex English and Mo Martin (yes, I said it...he was #11 by the way). They played hard, were fun to watch and left it all on the court. They weren't making millions, didn't have multiple shoe contracts, weren't operating several business unrelated to basketball, but they played because they honestly loved the game. It was that simple.
Fast Forward 2011:
I have been to several games this season (including the home game vs. New Orleans -- I would like a refund if you are listening) and I have no idea which team I am going to see play...the one that cares or the one that could care less. Will Melo be a Denver Nugget tonight? Who is he being traded to today? Is Chauncey staying or going? Will Kenyon be sulking at the end of the bench because the team signed Al Harrington in the off-season and didn't offer him an extension. Kenyon, it's been several months now and guess what...you've been hurt (again). Let it go. And then there is J.R. Smith (Swish).
I follow J.R. on Twitter and he starts each day off with the same question "What's Up World," along with a picture of him well, somewhere in the world. I never answer his question because it's rhetorical. Until now. "What's Up J.R.? I'll tell you what's up. You Stink. That's what's up!" You are an incredible talent (everyone has told you that), but what I wouldn't do to have you, just once say..."staying after practice to work on my 3-point shot," or "hitting the gym after our blowout tonight to improve on my shot," or "Disappointing loss tonight." Something. Anything that doesn't involve complaining, self-pity, or shopping at Louis Vuitton (guess what...I love Louis Vuitton too. Feel free to get me a purse the next time you walk into the store).
Mr. Kronke - I would love to ask you at what point is the owner of the Nuggets have a responsibility to the fans who pay money to actually watch your team play. You are known as "Silent Stan," but this might be a really good time for you to come out of that shadow and talk. At the very least have someone in the front office address the drama that has now hit the point of being out of control. Sometimes "no comment" works. This is not one of them. The person you are hurting the most is you. Because the fans are getting fed up pretty quickly and if they stop attending games and supporting the team, then you will have yourself a real problem.
The way to deal with uncertainty is to address it. Don't hide behind it. Don't pretend like it isn't there. It's the elephant in the room. And it's rather large.
I wasn't raised to be a fair-weathered fan, but this episode of "As the Nuggets Turn," is beginning to turn me off and make me re-think just how much I love my hometown team.
I wonder where Mo Martin is today...
Yours Truly,
Me
Let me cut to the chase and just say you are a "Hot Mess." Really. I didn't know "soap operas" actually played out in "real life" until I encountered this year's team.
My parents were ticket holders when you were the "Denver Rockets" (precedes my time) and continued when the "Nuggets" entered the NBA. Some of my fondest memories are those spent with my dad at McNichols Sports Arena watching the likes of David Thompson, Monty Towe, Dan Issel, Alex English and Mo Martin (yes, I said it...he was #11 by the way). They played hard, were fun to watch and left it all on the court. They weren't making millions, didn't have multiple shoe contracts, weren't operating several business unrelated to basketball, but they played because they honestly loved the game. It was that simple.
Fast Forward 2011:
I have been to several games this season (including the home game vs. New Orleans -- I would like a refund if you are listening) and I have no idea which team I am going to see play...the one that cares or the one that could care less. Will Melo be a Denver Nugget tonight? Who is he being traded to today? Is Chauncey staying or going? Will Kenyon be sulking at the end of the bench because the team signed Al Harrington in the off-season and didn't offer him an extension. Kenyon, it's been several months now and guess what...you've been hurt (again). Let it go. And then there is J.R. Smith (Swish).
I follow J.R. on Twitter and he starts each day off with the same question "What's Up World," along with a picture of him well, somewhere in the world. I never answer his question because it's rhetorical. Until now. "What's Up J.R.? I'll tell you what's up. You Stink. That's what's up!" You are an incredible talent (everyone has told you that), but what I wouldn't do to have you, just once say..."staying after practice to work on my 3-point shot," or "hitting the gym after our blowout tonight to improve on my shot," or "Disappointing loss tonight." Something. Anything that doesn't involve complaining, self-pity, or shopping at Louis Vuitton (guess what...I love Louis Vuitton too. Feel free to get me a purse the next time you walk into the store).
Mr. Kronke - I would love to ask you at what point is the owner of the Nuggets have a responsibility to the fans who pay money to actually watch your team play. You are known as "Silent Stan," but this might be a really good time for you to come out of that shadow and talk. At the very least have someone in the front office address the drama that has now hit the point of being out of control. Sometimes "no comment" works. This is not one of them. The person you are hurting the most is you. Because the fans are getting fed up pretty quickly and if they stop attending games and supporting the team, then you will have yourself a real problem.
The way to deal with uncertainty is to address it. Don't hide behind it. Don't pretend like it isn't there. It's the elephant in the room. And it's rather large.
I wasn't raised to be a fair-weathered fan, but this episode of "As the Nuggets Turn," is beginning to turn me off and make me re-think just how much I love my hometown team.
I wonder where Mo Martin is today...
Yours Truly,
Me
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