So, I was listening to a local sports radio show the other night and the hosts were discussing the upcoming NCAA Basketball Tournament, better known as “March Madness.” Next to the Superbowl, “March Madness” is a National Holiday for Men.

As I listened to them discuss all things basketball, I thought it would be the perfect time to provide a breakdown of the Tournament – what every woman needs to know.

1.       March Madness has nothing to do with shopping or sales, although if retailers were smart, they would hold “March Madness Markdowns” (side note) throughout the month for those of us who don’t care about basketball.

2.       March Madness (verb): a single elimination tournament held each spring, featuring 68 college basketball teams. The tournament was created in 1939 by the National Association of Basketball Coaches. It is also referred to as the “Big Dance.” This annual tournament has become one of the most prominent sporting events in this country.

3.       The 68 college basketball teams are selected from both conference champions and at-large selections (teams that aren’t in a conference, but have earned an invitation to the tournament).

4.       Brackets: This piece of paper is the Bible for “March Madness.” People spend hours, if not days filling out their “brackets.” They pick which team will win each game until they have narrowed it down to their “winner” (this term was coined long before Charlie Sheen made it his own on Twitter last week). They have put money (perhaps a lot of it) on these games.

5.       Seed: Each team is assigned a number between #1 and #16. Number #1 being the best and Number #16 being not quite so good. Each team is then assigned to a different region where they will play games. Winner moves on. Loser goes home. It’s a little rough.

6.       You may not see your husband/boyfriend/male friends on Thursday’s, Friday’s, Saturday’s or Sunday’s between March 15th – April 4^th. NOTE: Do NOT take this personally. They are somewhere with their “boys” gathered in front of roughly 84 big screen televisions, going through pitchers and nervously watching each and every game hoping…no, praying that their teams win and keep on winning (Come on…daddy needs new shoes!).

7.       32 first round games are played on the first two days of the tournament.

8.       There is usually a #12 seed that beats a #5 seed. This can mess up a lot of things for those who have filled out “brackets.” But it’s almost guaranteed that this upset will happen.

9.       The “Final Four” is comprised of the last four teams in the tournament. This year’s “Final Four” takes place in Houston, TX on April 2^nd with the Finals on Monday, April 4^th. I don’t know why it’s not a Saturday Semi-Finals and Sunday Finals, but it’s the way the College Basketball Gods have done it for decades.

10.   You know that list of things you have had “do to” for months now? This would be an ideal time to start checking it off. Get together with your girlfriends. Get organized. Take a trip. Go to the gym. Whatever your heart desires. Or…just get involved in the “March Madness” mayhem.

I grew up in a sports-loving family and learned at a very young age the “ins” and “outs” of the sports world. My dad flew to New Orleans for 24 hours in 1977 just so he could watch the Broncos play in the Superbowl (a trip to forget. lol). I was at the Final Four when it was held in Denver in 1990. UNLV was the powerhouse back then.

Women get a pretty bad rap when it comes to why we root for the teams we do. Could be we have a crush on a player. Or as the hosts of the radio show suggested, our favorite color is red and that happens to be the color a team is wearing. Perhaps you heard the comeback story about a coach or a player and you were so inspired by them that you want to bet the farm that they will prevail (by the way, don’t bet the farm).

Secret: I selected the Louisville Cardinals to win it all in the late ‘80s. Why? Because of LaBradford Smith. He was a guard who played for Louisville and I liked his name. That was it. It made perfectly good sense to me. Oh and he wore #23. Most people immediately think of Michael Jordan with the #23. Not me. For me that number was (and still is) all LaBradford Smith.

All of the above reasons actually make as much sense as how the “experts” and our men make their selections. Who has the best record? Is there a breakout star everyone should keep their eyes on? Who is the head coach? Is he a proven champion? Some of these guys literally sit and break down numbers for days – insisting there is a scientific formula that guarantees to the .00001% who will be hoisting the trophy when it’s all said and done.

Ladies, there is no need to wrack your brain to this extent. The truth is you should pick your teams for whatever reason you want to…it really doesn’t matter why. Sometimes just jumping in blindly leads to the best and most satisfying results. Most important, this should be fun. Gather your girlfriends and have your own “March Madness” parties. Make those margaritas and watch the game together.

My pick to win it all this year: The Louisville Cardinals of course. Somewhere LaBradford Smith will be watching.

And the Golden Balls Go To...

Last night as I watched the Academy Awards, I started to think...what if pro athletes were presented with their own version of the Oscars? Who would walk away with the biggest awards of the season? "And the Golden Balls Go To..."

Best Costume Design...
Now this is perhaps one of the toughest categories. Let me start by saying that Dennis Rodman set a precedence with his colorful artwork. You stepped things up for generations to come. In fact, I have been tempted to get my own tattoo over the years. I'm more a butterfly type of person, but unfortunately I hate needles. With that said, I have to give this one to Kenyon Martin due to his creative "cover up" of Trina's lips on his necks. What sweeter way to say "I loved you...once. Now bounce."

Runner Up: Birdman

Best Supporting Actor (Comedy)...
From this woman's perspective, the NBA is made up of a lot of clowns and no team illustrated this better than the Miami Heat in the off-season. I have so many characters to choose from here, but I would like to present this award to none other that Chris Bosh. Perhaps the most overrated player in the NBA, Bosh carries himself as though he should be the MVP this season. That attitude alone garners him this award.

Runner Up: Shaq. Because that dude is seriously funny

Best Supporting Actor (Drama)...
Look, I grew up watching soap operas, but this season in the NBA tops any episode of "Y&R," "General Hospital" or "Days of our Lives" I ever watched...even when the sad music was playing in the background because the Bo & Hope were getting divorced for the 6th time in 5 years. There just may be too many guys to chose from in this pool. However I must select one. Okay. I got it! Congratulations Rip Hamilton. 'Nuff said.

Runner Up: Gilbert Arenas. Come on now. Man up to your responsibilities.

I can feel the growing tension as I get to the final awards of the night. Hold your applause please until I get through them all.

Best Director...
Mark Cuban - come on down! As is the case with most men I have met, I cannot figure you out. However the one thing I can always count on is your ability to use public relations to manipulate any situation and create drama as a result. You don't even need to take two or three for that matter. You get it right the first time like clockwork.

Runner Up: Phillip. Namaste.

Okay. Best Actor, Comedy:
The winner of this prestigious award is none other than Lebron James for managing to make this league a joke all by himself (standing ovation in fact). Are you kidding me with "The Announcement?" What were you thinking?! "King James," it would do you good to learn a little bit about humility and gratitude. Because anytime I see you play, I reach for the Pepto Bismol.


Best Actor, Drama:
Warning: Now this one hurts a bit. However I have been watching this unfold all season. Who's jersey will this winner be wearing in December. January. February. Drum Roll please....Carmelo "I'm a Knick" Anthony. Oh Melo, it really did not need to go down like this. We loved you in Denver. But "As the Melo Turns" exhausted Nuggets Nation. It even messed up my social life for a bit (grrrr), but don't worry...I managed to really mess it up all by myself. It's really sad when your performance on/off the court comes to the point that all anyone is actually rooting for is for it to be over. Perhaps you will remember all we did for YOU my man and include us in your "Thank You" speech.

Runner Up: Lala. Do I really need to explain? Good luck with your reality show La!

And this concludes this year's "And the Golden Balls Go To..." Thank you. And please do not drink & drive.

Dear Denver Nuggets,

Let me cut to the chase and just say you are a "Hot Mess." Really. I didn't know "soap operas" actually played out in "real life" until I encountered this year's team. 

My parents were ticket holders when you were the "Denver Rockets" (precedes my time) and continued when the "Nuggets" entered the NBA. Some of my fondest memories are those spent with my dad at McNichols Sports Arena watching the likes of David Thompson, Monty Towe, Dan Issel, Alex English and Mo Martin (yes, I said it...he was #11 by the way). They played hard, were fun to watch and left it all on the court. They weren't making millions, didn't have multiple shoe contracts, weren't operating several business unrelated to basketball, but they played because they honestly loved the game. It was that simple. 

Fast Forward 2011:
I have been to several games this season (including the home game vs. New Orleans -- I would like a refund if you are listening) and I have no idea which team I am going to see play...the one that cares or the one that could care less. Will Melo be a Denver Nugget tonight? Who is he being traded to today? Is Chauncey staying or going? Will Kenyon be sulking at the end of the bench because the team signed Al Harrington in the off-season and didn't offer him an extension. Kenyon, it's been several months now and guess what...you've been hurt (again). Let it go. And then there is J.R. Smith (Swish).

I follow J.R. on Twitter and he starts each day off with the same question "What's Up World," along with a picture of him well, somewhere in the world. I never answer his question because it's rhetorical. Until now. "What's Up J.R.? I'll tell you what's up. You Stink. That's what's up!" You are an incredible talent (everyone has told you that), but what I wouldn't do to have you, just once say..."staying after practice to work on my 3-point shot," or "hitting the gym after our blowout tonight to improve on my shot," or "Disappointing loss tonight." Something. Anything that doesn't involve complaining, self-pity, or shopping at Louis Vuitton (guess what...I love Louis Vuitton too. Feel free to get me a purse the next time you walk into the store).  

Mr. Kronke - I would love to ask you at what point is the owner of the Nuggets have a responsibility to the fans who pay money to actually watch your team play. You are known as "Silent Stan," but this might be a really good time for you to come out of that shadow and talk. At the very least have someone in the front office address the drama that has now hit the point of being out of control. Sometimes "no comment" works. This is not one of them. The person you are hurting the most is you. Because the fans are getting fed up pretty quickly and if they stop attending games and supporting the team, then you will have yourself a real problem. 

The way to deal with uncertainty is to address it. Don't hide behind it. Don't pretend like it isn't there. It's the elephant in the room. And it's rather large. 

I wasn't raised to be a fair-weathered fan, but this episode of "As the Nuggets Turn," is beginning to turn me off and make me re-think just how much I love my hometown team.

I wonder where Mo Martin is today...

Yours Truly,
Me